Abu Dhabi Off-Road Club Forums

Some classic British humour with Tommy Cooper:


She’s always smiling. She’s the only girl I know whose teeth are sunburnt.


I’ve got a wife who never misses me. Her aim is perfect!


This old man was dying and he called his nephew to his bedside. He said: ‘I’m leaving you all my money.’ The nephew said: ‘Thank you, Uncle. What can I do for you?’ He said: ‘Get your foot off my oxygen tube.’


A dog bit a chunk out of my leg the other day. A friend of mine said: ‘Did you put anything on it?’ I said: ‘No, he liked it as it was.’


I always sit in the back of a plane. It’s much safer. You never hear of a plane backing into a mountain!

Laughing Baby.

A baby was just born. He had all his pieces and looked quite normal, except that he was laughing like crazy. I mean laughing real hard. All the doctors and nurses were examining the little thing, in front of the worried parents, but he kept on laughing, his tiny fists all closed and tears rolling from his eyes. One at a time, a pediatrician unfolded the tiny fingers to check if the hand was all right, and... guess what he found?
The birth control pill!

A couple had two little boys, ages 8 and 10, who were excessively mischievous. They were always getting into trouble and their parents knew that if any mischief occurred in their town, their sons were probably involved.
The boys' mother heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The clergyman agreed, but asked to see them individually. So the mother sent her 8-year-old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the clergyman in the afternoon. The clergyman, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God? "
The boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there with his mouth hanging open, wide-eyed. So the clergyman repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God? " Again the boy made no attempt to answer. So the clergyman raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "WHERE IS GOD!? "
The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him. When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "What happened?"
The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time, dude... God is missing--and they think WE did it! "

One day Dan asks Bob, "So Bob what did you get for Christmas?"
Then Bob says to Dan, "Oh see that brand new red Ferrari outside?"
Dan says, "OOOOH WOW!!!"
Bob says, "Ya, I got the same exact color tie!"

Wife: "What are you doing?"
Husband : Nothing.
Wife : "Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage
certificate for an hour."
Husband : "I was looking for the expiration date."

A boy speeding on road.
Guard stops him and ask, "Did you see the speed limit sign?"
The boy says, "Yea, I just didnt see you."

Happy Halloween
All the best

Wolle

Love story of a phD student


I was in 12th
She was in 12th


I got BSc
she got BCA

I was doing MSc
she got married



I was preparing JRF
she's a mother of 1 child


I got PhD
she's the moher of 2 childs


am doing PhD
her daughter is 1st std


I became DOCTORATE
her daughter passed 10th




I have joined Job
her daughter joined college


The Greatest irony
Today is my ENGAGEMENT
& her daughter is my FIANCEE

I wil never do PhD again....

Jiggy



A young lad from Sydney , Nova Scotia goes off to University,
but halfway through the semester he foolishly has squandered all of his money.

He calls home. 'Dad,' he says, 'you won't believe what modern education is developing.
They actually have a program here in Antigonish that could teach our dog "Jiggy" how to talk.'

'That's amazing!' his Dad says 'How do I get Jiggy in that program?'

'Just send him in here with $1200,' the young lad says, 'I'll get him in the course.'

So his father sends the dog "Jiggy"and $1200.

About two-thirds through the semester, the money again runs out.
The young lad calls home.
'So how's Jiggy doing, son?' his father wants to know.

'Awesome! Dad, he's talking up a storm.
But you just won't believe this.
They've had such good results with talking, they've begun to teach the animals how to read..'

'Read?!' exclaims his father.
'No kidding! How do we get our Jiggy in that program?'

'Just send $2300. I'll get him in the class for sure.'

The money promptly arrives.
But our hero has a problem.
At the end of the year, his father will find out the dog can neither talk nor read.
So he shoots the dog.
When he arrives home at the end of the year, his father is all excited.

'Where's my Jiggy? I just can't wait to talk with him, and see him read something!'

'Dad,' the young lad says, 'I have some grim news.
Yesterday morning, just before we left to drive home, Jiggy was in the living room, kicked back in the recliner, reading the Cape Breton Post.
Then he suddenly turned to me and asked,
'So, is your daddy still messing around with that little redhead working in the bakery at the grocery store?''

The father groans and whispers, 'I hope you shot that son of a bitch before he talks to your Mother!'

'I sure did, Dad!'

'That's my boy!'

The kid went on to be a successful lawyer, and later on, he became a politician!.

The dutch coach after the lost Game to his team" I told you, to play like you never played before", not to play like you never played.

"favorite part of attending a marathon is watching the reaction of runners who grab my plastic cup of vodka."

A tourist

A tourist asked a boat guy, "Do you know Biology, Psychology, Geography, Geology or Criminology?"
The boat guy said, "NO...." not any.
The tourist then asked, "What the hell do you know on the face of this earth? You will die of illiteracy!"
The boat guy said nothing.....
After a while the boat developed a fault and started sinking.
The boatman then asked the tourist, "Do you know Swimology and Escapology from Crocodiology?"
The tourist said, "NO!"
The boat guy replied, "Well today you will Drownology and Crocodiology will eat your Assology and you will Dieology because of your Badmouthology"

30% of population uses Google as a search engine
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The rest of the 70% are using it to check if the internet is working or not…

& I am one of the 70%

Two antennas met on a roof top, felt in love and got married.

The wedding wasn't much but the reception was great...

Prufster wrote:Two antennas met on a roof top, felt in love and got married.

The wedding wasn't much but the reception was great...

Love this one!