The Smile Corner!!!

Chit Chat about general subjects.
User avatar
desert_hawk
Advanced
Advanced
Posts: 4593
Joined: Mon Jan 25, 2010 5:53 pm
Location: Abu Dhabi
Location: Abu Dhabi

The Smile Corner!!!

Post by desert_hawk » Tue Jun 05, 2012 3:57 pm

Some newly married friends were chatting when the topic of children came up.

The bride said she wanted three children, while the young husband said two would be enough for him.

They discussed this discrepancy for a few minutes until the husband thought he'd put an end to things by saying boldly, "After our second child, I'll just have a vasectomy."

Without a moments hesitation, the bride retorted, "Well, you'd better love the third one as if it's your own."
FJCRUISER

Stars do not make a driver, the driver makes the stars.

Don't think how many moments in your life, just think how much life is there in a moment.

User avatar
desert_hawk
Advanced
Advanced
Posts: 4593
Joined: Mon Jan 25, 2010 5:53 pm
Location: Abu Dhabi
Location: Abu Dhabi

The Smile Corner!!!

Post by desert_hawk » Tue Jun 05, 2012 4:09 pm

A wife arriving home after a shopping trip, was horrified to find her husband in bed with a young, lovely thing.

Just as she was about to storm out of the house, her husband stopped her with these words.

"Before you leave, I want you to hear how this all came about.

Driving home, I saw this young girl, looking poor and tired, I offered her a ride.

She was hungry, so I brought her home and fed her some of the roast you had forgotten about in the refrigerator.

Her shoes were worn out so I gave her a pair of your shoes you didn't wear because they were out of style.

She was cold so I gave her that new birthday sweater you never wear because the color didn't suit you.

Her slacks were worn out so I gave her a pair of yours that you don't fit into anymore.

Then, as she was about to leave the house, she paused and asked, 'Is there anything else that your wife doesn't use anymore?' ....

....so, here we are!"
FJCRUISER

Stars do not make a driver, the driver makes the stars.

Don't think how many moments in your life, just think how much life is there in a moment.

Russland
Newbie
Newbie
Posts: 52
Joined: Tue Feb 07, 2012 11:11 am
Location: Dubai
Location: Dubai

Re: The Smile Corner!!!

Post by Russland » Tue Jun 12, 2012 4:32 pm

— boy, I need some onion
— sorry, mam, we don't have onion at the moment
— I don't care, I need some onion
— but mam, we don't have onion in the market right now
— you don't understand me, I need some onion
— well, mam, lets check your english. How many letters "p" in the word "apple"?
— two
— right, mam. and how many letters "t" in the word "letter"?
— two
— right mam. and how many "f**ck" in the word "onion"?
— but there is no "f**ck" in "onion"
— right, mam, there is no f**ckin onion
Grand Cherokee
056-644-9043

User avatar
desert_hawk
Advanced
Advanced
Posts: 4593
Joined: Mon Jan 25, 2010 5:53 pm
Location: Abu Dhabi
Location: Abu Dhabi

Re: The Smile Corner!!!

Post by desert_hawk » Sat Aug 18, 2012 2:37 pm

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"
FJCRUISER

Stars do not make a driver, the driver makes the stars.

Don't think how many moments in your life, just think how much life is there in a moment.

User avatar
Dune_Phantom
Advanced
Advanced
Posts: 1571
Joined: Fri Sep 14, 2012 12:29 pm
Location: Abu Dhabi
Location: Abu Dhabi Mall

Re: The Smile Corner!!!

Post by Dune_Phantom » Sat Oct 27, 2012 9:59 pm

A naked & drunken woman boards a cab in NY. Driver of the cab, an Indian, keeps staring at her and does not start the cab.

Woman: Haven't you seen a naked woman before?

Indian : Cool it ma'am. I am not staring at you. I am just wondering where you have kept the money to pay me?
The Phantom - Ghost Who drives in the Dunes...:mrgreen: :D

User avatar
Dune_Phantom
Advanced
Advanced
Posts: 1571
Joined: Fri Sep 14, 2012 12:29 pm
Location: Abu Dhabi
Location: Abu Dhabi Mall

The Smile Corner!!!

Post by Dune_Phantom » Mon Oct 29, 2012 12:33 pm

desert_hawk wrote:Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"
Too good!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
The Phantom - Ghost Who drives in the Dunes...:mrgreen: :D

User avatar
The_Kraken
Intermediate
Intermediate
Posts: 227
Joined: Sat Aug 18, 2012 7:20 pm
Location: Dubai

Re: The Smile Corner!!!

Post by The_Kraken » Mon Oct 29, 2012 3:14 pm

desert_hawk wrote:Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"
LIKE... :lol:
THE KRAKEN - +971529115666
Jeep Wrangler 2012
Stage 3+ Clutch upgrade
aFe Power MagnumFORCE Stage-2 PRO 5R Intake System
aFe MACH Force XP Exhaust System
TeraFlex 2.5" Lift
TeraFlex Front Drive Shaft
Cooper ST MAXX Tyres
GT wheels

Trips:
ANIT - 2 Briefing Done and first star achieved :-)
Newbie - 8 Second star Achieved :-)
Intermediate - 1

User avatar
alezz
Intermediate
Intermediate
Posts: 281
Joined: Sat Mar 10, 2012 1:31 am
Location: Dubai
Location: Dubai

Re: The Smile Corner!!!

Post by alezz » Mon Jul 08, 2013 12:08 am

Image
Image
Image
Image
Image
Image
Image
Image
Image
Image
Image
Image
Image
Image
Trips: ANIT(2), Newbie(18), Intermediate(14), GPS Hunt 2014
055 200 10 92

Putin = Hitler.v.2
Who is your friend you will know in disaster. And who is your foe also

User avatar
Smiley
Marshal
Marshal
Posts: 1337
Joined: Mon Oct 29, 2007 9:00 am
Location: Abu Dhabi

Re: The Smile Corner!!!

Post by Smiley » Tue Sep 03, 2013 4:18 pm

One Friday a man decided not to go home, rather to stay out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending his entire week's pay.
When he finally appeared at home on Sunday night, he was confronted by his angry wife, who shouted and yelled for nearly two hours about how irresponsible he was. Finally when she stopped, she said to him, "How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?" He replied, "That would be fine with me."
So Monday went by and he didn't see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same result. But on Thursday, the swelling went down just enough for him to see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.
Brave Mädchen kommen in den Himmel, die anderen kommen überall hin...
(Good Girls go to heaven, the other ones go everywhere...)


0506610184

DESNAV-Founder

first female Marshal

User avatar
MalteJK
Posts: 2028
Joined: Sun May 29, 2011 11:19 pm
Location: Dubai
Contact:

Re: The Smile Corner!!!

Post by MalteJK » Tue Sep 03, 2013 10:06 pm

Some work related jokes ;) ...

---------------

"I know this great UDP joke but you might not get it"

---------------

An IPv4 address space walks into a bar: "A strong CIDR please. I'm
exhausted."

---------------

IPv6 walks into a bar, ordered something to drink, but nobody understood
him.

---------------

So, this SEO copywriter walks into a bar, grill, pub, public house,
Irish, bartender, drinks, beer, wine, liquor...

---------------

- Knock Knock.
- Who's there?
very long pause
- Java.
http://www.oryx4x4.com

“Some people never go crazy, What truly horrible lives they must live”
c.b.

#green Jk Sahara ( totally stock ) ( 2013 -
#green Jk Sport ( totally struck ) ( 2013 - 2013 )
#white nissan badroll(stuck) ( 2012-2013 )
#silver jk Sahara unlimited ( stock ) ( 2010- )

phone : 0567786537

lead: Newbie(2) Intermediate(11), Advanced(5)

User avatar
akhateeb
Posts: 684
Joined: Sat Sep 22, 2012 9:00 am
Location: Dubai
Location: Discovery Gardens - Dubai

The Smile Corner!!!

Post by akhateeb » Tue Sep 03, 2013 10:54 pm

MalteJK wrote:Some work related jokes ;) ...

---------------

LOOOOL those are too geeky!!

All jokes in this corner are great.. Glad the thread was revived :D
Every man dies ... Not every man REALLY lives!
Ayman 0508144630
_________________________
[*] 2014: Nissan Xterra 2014.. Stock except the front bumper..
[*] 2013-2014: Wrangler TJ, 3" Lift, Borla Catback, Roll Cage, Warn Bumpers & Winch, 2 ARB Lockers.. we're almost there!!
[*] 2012-2014: Infinity QX4, OME coils & Shocks around 20 mm additional height, 265x70x16 Cooper AT3 tires, custom pathy bumper, K&N filter ... !
[*] Audi A6 for the lovely wife...
Total Trips since Sep 2012 : 54 Trips
Last updated: 25-NOV-2013

User avatar
Smiley
Marshal
Marshal
Posts: 1337
Joined: Mon Oct 29, 2007 9:00 am
Location: Abu Dhabi

Re: The Smile Corner!!!

Post by Smiley » Wed Sep 04, 2013 5:17 pm

Ok, here is one for Malte:

One day a frog called out to a man, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." But the man just bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket.
The frog said, "If you turn me back into a princess, I will be yours for a week." The man smiled at the frog, but did nothing.
The frog cried,"If you turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for a Year and do ANYTHING you want."
Again the same reaction.
Finally, the frog asked, "What's the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, I'll be yours for a year and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
The man said, "Look, I'm a computer programmer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is cool."
Brave Mädchen kommen in den Himmel, die anderen kommen überall hin...
(Good Girls go to heaven, the other ones go everywhere...)


0506610184

DESNAV-Founder

first female Marshal

User avatar
zeer
Posts: 1493
Joined: Thu Feb 18, 2010 8:22 pm
Location: Abu Dhabi

Re: The Smile Corner!!!

Post by zeer » Wed Sep 04, 2013 6:46 pm

:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:
Eyad Harb - 0501234066
One for All & All for One
"BANNA WAS A GOOD MAN..MISSED BUT NEVER FORGOTTEN"
DesNav2011 / DesNav2012 / DesNav2013 / JeeP Jamboree 2013 / Desert Clean / EDC trainer / Sanid Leader
2010-2012 Trips (counter)/(lead): Newbie(27)(02) Intermediate(60)(10) Advance(19)(02) Expert(02)(01) TOTAL (108)/(15)
----2013--- Trips (counter)/(lead): Newbie(12)(04) Intermediate(17)(05) Advance(21)(03) Expert(04)(00) TOTAL (55)/(12)

User avatar
MalteJK
Posts: 2028
Joined: Sun May 29, 2011 11:19 pm
Location: Dubai
Contact:

Re: The Smile Corner!!!

Post by MalteJK » Fri Sep 13, 2013 2:33 am

good one @smiley :)

here is another one :

A man flying in a hot air balloon suddenly realizes he’s lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts to get directions, "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"

The man below says: "Yes. You're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."

"You must work in Information Technology," says the balloonist.

"I do" replies the man. "How did you know?"

"Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but It's of no use to anyone."

The man below replies, "You must work in management."

"I do," replies the balloonist, "But how'd you know?"*

"Well", says the man, "you don’t know where you are or where you’re going, but you expect me to be able to help. You’re in the same position you were before we met, but now it’s my fault."




_______another one___:

A computer science student is studying under a tree and another pulls up on a flashy new bike. The first student asks, “Where’d you get that?”

The student on the bike replies, “While I was studying outside, a beautiful girl pulled up on her bike. She took off all her clothes and said, ‘You can have anything you want’.”

The first student responds, “Good choice! Her clothes probably wouldn’t have fit you.”
http://www.oryx4x4.com

“Some people never go crazy, What truly horrible lives they must live”
c.b.

#green Jk Sahara ( totally stock ) ( 2013 -
#green Jk Sport ( totally struck ) ( 2013 - 2013 )
#white nissan badroll(stuck) ( 2012-2013 )
#silver jk Sahara unlimited ( stock ) ( 2010- )

phone : 0567786537

lead: Newbie(2) Intermediate(11), Advanced(5)

User avatar
Smiley
Marshal
Marshal
Posts: 1337
Joined: Mon Oct 29, 2007 9:00 am
Location: Abu Dhabi

Re: The Smile Corner!!!

Post by Smiley » Fri Sep 13, 2013 11:55 am

excellent! :lol: :lol: :lol:
Brave Mädchen kommen in den Himmel, die anderen kommen überall hin...
(Good Girls go to heaven, the other ones go everywhere...)


0506610184

DESNAV-Founder

first female Marshal

Post Reply